i lay it down.

our determination to fully trust no one must die and an eager willingness to receive what is best from others and to give what is best from within ourselves must take place. that only happens when people feel loved, safe enough to face their dependency, trusting enough to enjoy what someone else gives, and courageous enough to offer who they truly are to another. - the safest place on earth (crabb)

the past two weeks have been intense...not only for my personal walk with Him, but within our chapter as students face academic obligations and struggles within their own faith journeys.

in the face of this somewhat overwhelming time, i have been confronted continually with the idea of vulnerability and the need for open, honest communication.

it seems to me that is it is ridiculously true that when we feel most broken or confused we isolate ourselves and mutter, "it's just you and me, God." we are afraid of being weak in front of others...we are scared of what someone might think if we let them see just how broken we are...and we don't like the thought of developing accountability because sometimes it's just easier to sit in our darkness.

sometimes we even leave God out of the equation and try to operate out of our own strength...either out of pride or lack of awareness about His purpose in our healing. this never gets us anywhere. (can i get an amen?!)

is it not possible that God sometimes cries out to us to lay down our brokenness before one another?

generally, i feel under attack after a particularly difficult conversation. if i have opened myself up (even a little), i walk away thinking, "i shouldn't have said that...i said too much...i wish i could rephrase that...i revealed too much of my struggle..."

of COURSE i would feel that attack. the Enemy doesn't want us to live out what we have been designed for...community. our original intention was for relationship both with God and with each other...and this includes moments of complete humility and vulnerability. it means that we can lay our junk before another without the fear of condemnation or judgment...and that we will be loved.

does this always happen? no. we are sinful people indeed and sometimes we let ourselves get in the way of God. however, in those amazing relationships where such God-directed openness occurs, we are truly glorifying Him and living out our original design.

it is taking me some time to realize the value of my vulnerability.

to have a dear friend look me in the eye and say, "i want to listen" has been one of the most powerful moments in the last few days. there is release. there is freedom in knowing that i can lay it down before another, knowing i will be loved...i will be prayed for...i am valued even in my brokenness.

has He not come to bind up the brokenhearted? (isaiah 61)

if that is so (and i believe it is with all of my might)...then we must admit when our heart is broken and be willing to be bound to another in all of their brokenness, too, to receive release from darkness.

"...one of the aspects of genuine, healthy relatedness is that people don't hide their vulnerability from one another and are not ashamed of who they are before each other." - how people grow (cloud & townsend)

i am learning to delight in allowing someone the chance to "carry another's burden"...and i see how such an act of letting others pour Truth into me overflows into others...builds my character as a woman of Him...and begins the process of putting my heart back together again...