wow.

i think it finally hit this morning that i am indeed on staff. it hit while writing letters to my mom and step-dad. somehow that made it real...well, that combined with the fact that i have been attending meetings, set up my master schedule for the week, made appointments with students and did some serious data entry regarding our chapter retreat.

but it's true. i am here. i am on staff.

the victory is HIS.

He is your praise, He is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes. - deuteronomy 10:21

my mom sent me that verse this morning...and it's pretty incredible because it's incredibly true.

i like my life down here in north carolina. i am extremely pleased. yes, i miss my family and friends...but i am gaining some pretty fantastic relationships (yay for staff bonding over spaghetti and football) and i know i am doing what i was created to do.

that's a remarkable feeling, if you ask me.

my newest biblical desire: to really understand the story of esther.
my newest snack obsession: gala apples & peanut butter.
why i love living in the south: sweet tea EVERYWHERE.
amused by: the lumber yard directly outside of my bedroom window & the man driving the forklift.
can't stop listening to: jason morant

north carolina? what?

my thought today while walking around barnes & noble...

holy cannoli. i am in north carolina. i am not just visting. i live here. a little more than a week ago, i didn't think this was possible. oh my goodness. it actually happened.

.........

in february, i was hired to go on staff with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. in march, i attended training for how to raise my budget, much like a missionary. in may, i began that process full throttle. i have spent the last 6 months back home attempting to raise 100% of my budget...it has been the most intense 6 months of my life...incredibly bittersweet...incredibly humbling...and a period in my life i will always look back on with incredible awe at what God did during those summer months...

october 15th: my deadline to reach 75% of my goal or else i would most likely not go on staff...and as of october 12th, i had 58%. it was not looking good...but somehow, God transformed my feeble thinking from "impossible" by saying, "look at what i can do, laura..."

in a matter of 48 hours...with literally just HOURS until my deadline...God provided $10,000 more to my 58%...bringing me to 89% of my budget.

the testimony is crazy-good...weaving together past hurts now used for His glory and through people i didn't think would stand beside me.

it's all a little too much to write in a blog...besides, i like hearing people's reactions to how amazing our GREAT God is through all of this.

so here i sit. in my apartment in chapel hill, north carolina...about to start work with IVCF...beginning an adventure i have been anticipating for 9 months.

it's a little surreal...i am still waiting for it all to sink in...

and so i begin my new life...and it's rather lovely.

praise God from whom ALL blessings flow

see. the. good.

christy (twin) challenged me to write down 25 praises. she says i need this right now. i came up with a few more than 25. i look forward to adding to this.

here it goes.

1. harvest renewal church - fellowship, worship, prayer, family
2. board games with mama & jj
3. entertaining conversations with JM
4. friendship with CE
5. reminders of my beauty from other beauties in my life
6. twin's amazing students; recognition of her gifts
7. timeless relationships
8. new men in my life - amazing new brothers - cowboys and pool sharks
9. music that allows me to connect to Him
10. B's peace in the midst of confusion
11. snail mail
12. big transitions in life (new jobs, moving, marriage, babies...)
13. comfort in consistency
14. creativity; various outlets
15. my family. all of them.
16. real conversations, tough testimonies, vulnerability, moments of silence
17. recurring phrases - God is a God of abundance... it's already done... He is a mighty warrior
18. being a woman and enjoying feminine things
19. nighttime strolls, solo drives, river moments
20. learning to claim His promises and make them my own
21. fund development phone calls and encouragement from strangers
22. freedom to travel; the possibility of overseas
23. old hole-in-the-wall diners in downtown richmond
24. annointings
25. reminders of how BIG He is and how much He loves me
26. quiet moments with skye
27. soft music on cloudy days
28. candlelight
29. wednesday nights in williamsburg
30. futon conversations with JB
31. the coolness in the air with fall
32. restoration...

quiet.

my spot. it's very quiet today - only a few fishermen and random couples stopping to stretch their legs and take in the james river. i am lying in the shade - not too hot or cold. it's perfect. today has been a good day. i swam again - after weeks of sheer laziness - and the second i plunged underwater, i thought "why did you stay away for so long?" i think my soul even took a deep breath. i forgot how much i missed the silence in the swish of the water.

i wanted to check out the new cafe in town - and the need to write my thank-you cards was the perfect excuse. it wasn't what i expected. someone rushed over to me as soon as i walked in the door to seat me...like a real restaurant and i knew i wasn't in my kind of coffee shop. i was given a menu. all i wanted was coffee - that's all i could afford and even that was $2.40...for one cup. i was surrounded by people in business suits talking about interest rates and equity loans - a language i don't understand. it's owned by an older european woman who came out from the kitchen and shook my hand. apparently she personally greets all of her customers. the art on the walls was definitely unique - not my taste - but i could appreciate the dedication to detail. all in all, it was too upscale for me and i felt somewhat out of place in my ripped jeans and flip flops.

my spot feels better. surrounded by weeds and large bugs that buzz every few seconds. down the hill on the beach, i hear a woman giggling and i wonder what amuses her. the coast guard helicopters are running through training exercises across the river and the clouds are getting bigger and bigger - my favorite indication of a pending thunderstorm. a man on a bike rides by - singing a love song. my own frank sinatra in spandex.

as i write this, i realize my need for moments like this. moments of silence - isolation from the rest of the world. in the fight or flight mode of life, i am running. i am retreating. maybe it's self-preservation. this little pillar of strength isn't so tall these days. that's ok.

so i run. to Him. because that's the only place i want to be...

prophetic.

his foot couldn't stop shaking while he listened. i could tell he was uncomfortable and a little nervous to be in that small church. everyone around him was speaking loud praises to God...singing Scripture...waving their hands...kneeling down on the wooden floor. i couldn't hold back, though. i stood and raised my hands, closed my eyes and sang with everything in me.

i lost touch with the world for a few minutes and snapped back once i realized the pastor now had a hold on him. his arms around his shoulders, speaking into his ear. i sat down. i could only hear a few phrases every now and again over the music and prayers. i wanted to listen but i knew it wasn't my moment.

i smiled.

i had been praying for a broken shell. a penetration of the Holy Spirit. a refreshing touch from above. i wanted him to experience God like i do. better than i do. i wanted him to feel the Presence. i prayed that God would be BIG tonight.

He delivered. and rocked him to the core. maybe that's why his foot couldn't stop shaking.

it was perfect. because it was His word. it was His direction.

i walked away with a few seeds of my own...bits of divine knowledge i will subsequently journal through and through. and she walked away with a greater understanding of thankfulness and what that means for the day-to-day.

He never ceases to amaze me. He never ceases to remind me of His power and presence.

tonight was a good night. hallelujah.

back to the basics...

it's been an interesting couple of weeks. things slowed down in the everyday sense of the word...and with that extra time on my hands, i began to panic somewhat.

i finally realized that i needed to step away from all things fund development for a few days and just pray/spend time in the Word. and i did. and it was intense.

but it wasn't enough, sad to say...because i was still dwelling on FD and money and logistics and phone calls and everything. bah.

i knew i needed prayer and encouragement...so it was off to richmond to meet with my pastor. and that's exactly what i got. testimony after testimony of God's faithfulness and provision. and prayer...lots of honest, affirming, confident prayer.

it's august 22...and i would love to say that i am moving to chapel hill in the next few weeks, but alas...God has other plans.

i am at 36% of my budget...and the only thing that can make that happen would be miracles from the Lord.

and you know what? i truly believe that miracles will happen soon. i know He will provide. i don't question it anymore. i choose to declare that He will take care of my needs.

100% is no big deal for Him. so now i am learning to abide in Him...trying to figure out exactly what that means...and how i can trust Him for all of it.

God will provide....and again i will say, God will provide.

learning to see...

so. things are finally slowing down a bit. i am home...and i plan on staying that way for a few weeks. PRAISE THE LORD. i like the idea of sleeping in my own bed for more than 3-4 days at a time. anyway.

this past weekend i spent some time in tennessee for my family reunion. it happens every 2 years...and i haven't been in a while because of summer school (yay for trying to finish grad school as soon as possible) so it was good to go and see everyone. i ended up giving a presentation to my family, seeking prayerful and financial support for next year.

not a single response.

and you know? it was OK. it was MORE than OK because God immediately showed me the blessings that spawned out of that experience, such as being able to share my testimony with my family, some time with my aunt during which a few tears fell and the opportunity to walk down to the water's edge and release it all.

as hard as it was at the time to walk away with no support, i am beginning to see the greater purposes in these negative responses. i know God has so much more than He needs to work through with me. i am ready.

i took a few days off from fund development last week...and i spent that time painting, working in my art book and journaling...it was hard to walk away...but ultimately extremely good for my soul. i needed to retreat and allow myself to worship the Lord through my art. so i have started a series of paintings...and they all include trees...i am still trying to figure out why and what that means biblically for me...we shall see.

this week is pretty low-key for me. i intend to spend some major time in prayer...for so many things.

what i want to study: faith like a mustard seed.

what i am thankful for: the fact that God doesn't give up on me...amazing friends who walk beside me and support me...my mom's jokes that make me smile...conversations that are tough, but refining...new praise music that brings joy to my heart...

current favorite verse: yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. for the Lord is a God of justice. blessed are all who wait for him! - isaiah 30:18

step by step...