laughing it up.

i have decided that the best way to fight the good fight is to do so with a grand sense of humor.

i have to laugh about my current state of affairs. it seems as though a hearty laugh and a strong prayer will be the only way i will be able to deal with my diagnosis.

these are the cards i have been dealt. i am learning to play (one day at a time). i am also learning to be appreciative that it isn't much worse than this. this i can handle.

in light of this revelation/resolution, i have decided to name my stomach. he will now be referred to as Seamus (shay-mus). yes, he's Irish. why? he has a bit of a flaring temper...and he has a great fondness for all-things-potato. somehow giving my stomach a name a) makes me laugh at the absurdity of it all and b) keeps me grounded.

i also laugh/dance when i hear kirk franklin's "stomp!" why? the good ol' line...

GP, are you wit me? oh yeah, we havin' church, we ain't going nowhere...

now, for those of you unfamiliar with kirk franklin and his posse, GP stands for God's People...otherwise known as the people that actually sing the gospel music he writes while he talks/raps over the beats. (don't get me wrong. i have some serious love for KF.)

anyway, in a lot of the literature i have found about gastroparesis, many people type GP instead of consistently spelling out the medical term.

so, yes...GP is wit me. and yes, i am still dancing/havin' church.

i also want to give an enormous shout-out of thanks to my friends and family who have rallied around me lately. i feel loved beyond words. suggestions of liquid/pureed food parties, trips to get smoothies, letters of incredible encouragement, emails containing grand statements of optimism have most certainly helped this LD feel better.

i am starting to feel normal again. praise Jesus. and as much as i do have those moments of sadness, the smiles are starting to overshadow the tears.

thank you. from the bottom of my ever-grateful heart.

i suppose it's official.

questions of science
science and progress
do not speak as loud as my heart...
[coldplay]

ok, friends.

i thought the easiest way to communicate what exactly has been happening with yours truly over the past few months would be on my beloved blog - available to the masses, however impersonal it may be. i apologize for my lack of personal, direct communication. i ask for your grace and forgiveness.

let me explain.

many of you know that i have been experiencing bouts of nausea and vomiting for a matter of months over this past year. after leaving staff with InterVarsity in april and moving back to virginia, i began the process of seeing a specialist to begin testing in an effort to figure out the root cause of my symptoms.

the past month has been particularly rough and my symptoms have gotten worse. i have been on an IV several times for dehydration associated with constant vomiting and even had the oh-so-fabulous pleasure of spending the night in the ER here in Richmond. (i *heart* MCV. really, i do.)

i was able to switch to a specialist here in Richmond and had an appointment last Friday. he ordered a new round of tests for me, which i endured this week at MCV.

he called on wednesday afternoon to give me my diagnosis.

i have a condition called gastroparesis (literally, paralysis of the stomach). i know. it's weird.

the basics: my stomach has stopped functioning, meaning that it no longer turns my food into digestible material...so it either sits in my stomach for an extraordinarily long amount of time until it is broken down by acid...or, it comes back up. lovely, isn't it. (sorry.)

for most people, there is no identifiable cause. there is also no cure.

about 8 million people have GP and they are starting to find better ways of treating this condition. it's good to know i am not alone. as God would have it, my best friend's mother also has GP and offered some incredible encouragement once she heard about my diagnosis.

i will begin taking medication to force stomach contractions...however, these medicines have nasty, neurological side effects. i am nervous about beginning these drugs.

i now also operate with a very long list of foods i simply cannot eat anymore (fresh fruits/vegetables, certain dairy products, whole grains, meat, etc.) - basically anything good for you - and for someone who loves a huge salad, this is hard news to swallow (haha! i gotta laugh about this...join me, won't you?)

for the next few months, i will live off of a liquid/puree diet to give my stomach a break from the havoc it has endured over the past few months. any suggestions on good, pureed food would be much appreciated.

so there it is. i wish i had happy, cheery news to share with you. i will admit that this is hard to deal with and i am in a state of mourning right about now. i know that this isn't the end of the world...and i know that i will have a plan of action to function normally again...and i know that God is still amazingly good through all of this...but i think i need a little bit of time to process what's going on. it's very strange to think that a major part of your body has simply stopped working.

i also believe that God is bigger than my stomach muscles...and He can heal this according to His will.

my son, pay attention to what i say;
listen closely to my words.

do not let them out of your sight,
keep them within your heart;

for they are life to those who find them
and health to a man's whole body.

above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life. - proverbs 4: 20-23

again, i ask for your grace and forgiveness for being MIA for quite some time. i simply haven't felt well enough to make many calls or sit at the computer to write personal emails. i will try to be better about this over the next few weeks.

as for the job update: i am still not working and i had to cancel my interview with the local school system because i hadn't been discharged from the hospital yet on the day of my interview. they were very kind and said that i can reschedule whenever i feel better. i am hoping that that is relatively soon and that God will give me the strength to begin teaching in the fall.

in happy news, i do have a small, furry companion to keep me company through this. please see my last blog entry for a picture of my new BFF. he is wild. and i love him.

i will ask for prayer, if i may do so. i want to experience God's joy again. i want to function normally. i want the depression to cease and for happiness to reign again.

thank you for standing by me through this. i would love an email life update from each of you when/if you get the chance. know that i appreciate, value and love you dearly.

His,
Laura

new BFF.

please say hello to my newest little buddy. his name is charlie and i have adopted him after he wandered into a friend-of-a-friend's yard, looking for a home. what i know about him after 24 hours together: he loves to chew - especially on my flip-flops. he likes to prance when we go on walks (that's why his given nickname is prince charles). his favorite toy is a small, purple stuffed purse (good story). curling up and taking a nap together seems to be something he enjoys immensely.

notice the white poof that is my dog. that's because he lived life on the streets for a little while. no worries, though...this proud mama has already made an appointment to groom his lovely locks.

i *heart* him. a lot.

whiskers on kittens.

things i like (recently):



old friends calling me "La"

listening to a beautiful, wise elderly woman tell me great stories from her past

big leather chairs & ottomans that call me to curl up and read for a majority of the day

burgers and movie nights with my lovely roommate

late afternoon thunderstorms with ominous clouds

the unexpected and unknown...like my looming future

standing up for myself and learning the value in such action

finally ending the oh-so-fabulous phone tag with a good catch-up conversation



i like life right now. even with all its quirks and dives.

clicking and waiting.

i've done it.

i've applied for a full-time teaching job for the fall. perhaps it's time to use my trusty ol' masters in special education.

there is a part of me that is completely excited about this prospect. there is another side that is freaking out ever-so-slightly in a "what have i done?!" kind of way. it's been over a year since i have spent any time in a classroom.

can i do this? can i really do this?

only time will tell. and i kind of need to get hired first.

i do think it is incredibly ironic, however, that, at the end of my online application, i was asked to click "submit"...

oh, how that word comes fully-loaded these days.

shaking my fist.

i am slightly obsessed with nickel creek at the moment. i have always loved them...but a return to their soulful music is providing great joy and profound thought. the following is my current favorite selection.

where am i today? i wish that i knew
'cause looking around there's no sign of you
i don't remember one jump or one leap
just quiet steps away from your lead

i'm holding my heart out but clutching it too
feeling this short of a love that we once knew
i'm calling this home when it's not even close
playing the role with nerves left exposed

standing on a darkened stage, stumbling through the lines
others have excuses, but i have my reasons why

we get distracted by dreams of our own
but nobody's happy while feeling alone
and knowing how hard it hurts when we fall
we lean another ladder against the wrong wall

and climb high to the highest rung, to shake fists at the sky
while others have excuses, i have my reasons why...

- "reasons why"

welcome mat.

in line with the new pact i have created with myself to be incredibly optimistic and cheerful ("the mind is a powerful thing" - mama), i have decided to outline a few thoughts i have had over the past few weeks...pleasant meanderings of the mind in hopes of inspiring more. here goes.

i could sit outside on the back deck of my parents' house in a warm evening breeze for hours and watch my dog lay in the grass, sniffing curiously. a simple moment with profound comfort.

digging in the dirt has got to be one of God's best ideas. fresh soil smells heavenly.

james taylor has quickly become a staple in my musical feast (and not because he graduated from carolina). 'fire and rain' speaks all kinds of wisdom.

painting with my pallete knife releases some kind of pent-up energy like nothing else can, especially when dipped in deep reds.

i am grateful for the large thyme and oregano bushes left in my backyard by the previous tenant. it makes the morning breeze that much more amazing.

getting lost in a world of fiction on my new red couch with a cup of peppermint tea makes for a good time.

the older i get, the more i love and appreciate my family...quirks and all.