slow dancing in a burning room.

i feel a return to "myself," as they say. i am beginning to feel better physically...and eating a wider array of foods. praise to the Good Lord.

i was even able to enjoy a fantastic evening, sitting on a hill by the Beach, listening to amazing music with some of my closest friends...looking up at the stars and letting the sounds of ben folds/john mayer take over for a few hours. i needed a moment of normalcy like that.

with this return to myself, i feel a very strong pull towards the Lord. during prayer & praise at my church last week, the pastor pointed out that we had been singing the lyrics "You draw near to me" in reference to how God responds/initiates to us.

good reminder. i need to remember that God is constantly drawing near to me regardless of my response to Him. in the midst of the past few months, i admit that i have stepped away from my "usual walk" with Him (it sounds so cliche - not my intention)...yes, i continued to pray...and i read the Word for some sort of encouragement/hope...but my efforts were grounded solely in my circumstances and not so much in who He is. i hope that makes sense. to me, it's a big difference.

yesterday evening, we had a particularly violent thunderstorm. it came on rather quickly, produced amazing amounts of rain, lightning and thunder. we stood by the doorways and watched until a very bright flash of light and crack of thunder resulted in the loss of power, causing us to retreat inside and Charlie to run around like a madman in the confusion.

being still light outside, it didn't faze us much (except for Charlie). when the sun began to set, i realized our lack of candles...and we set out to pillage a few more to create a nice, soft glow in the house. did i mention these candles smell like vanilla cupcakes? i seriously digress.

without AC or any of the other creature comforts we are so accustomed to, i decided to hang out on the couch and not move much to create as little heat as possible.

it was during this time on the couch that God began to give me a little parable/parallel of sorts.

during thunderstorms, we are so focused on the action of the clouds that we forget the purpose of this summer-time "disturbance." is it not the job of the thunderstorm to clean the air, so to speak? to water creation? even cause us to slow down, be cautious and submit to its authority (seek cover, drive slowly, etc.)?

i feel as though my days have been one gigantic thunderstorm over the past year. yes, i can see how this might come off as overly dramatic, but from march of '06 to now has been the most trying 400+ days of my 25 years. i do not lie.

now that things are slowing down a bit, i am starting to see the purpose in this tempest. i am reminded of matthew 8: 23-27. i love this passage.

[Jesus, after a time of healing...] got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping, The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!"

He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid? Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

The men were amazed and asked, "What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!"

another good reminder: sometimes God creates many a storm to prove He is God...and i am not. to "clean my life"...to bring me out of the heat so that He can replenish my existence. and in that calmness? i am forced to listen - just like last night and the loss of power forcing me to just sit and be...and listen to the crickets outside...something i would have missed had the AC/fans/TV/music been rattling around inside.

i realize these ramblings are not unique thoughts or maybe even that deep or profound. all of that to say that i am learning to be perfectly content in this stillness now that the storms seem to be receding...i am resting in the promise that God is using this "quiet time" to prove who He is in my life.

He is God.