old things new again.

i used to have a livejournal...another version of the popular blog. mine chronicled my last few months in harrisonburg. i found it this morning while looking at old internet bookmarks. the following is one of my entries from almost exactly 2 years ago. it made me laugh outloud.

[dated august 10th, 2005]

i went tanning yesterday.

this is something i vowed i would never do. and i am normally not this vain. HOWEVER....i am in a wedding in a little over a month from now...and i would rather have a little tan than reflect the flash from the camera.

whatchagonnado.

now, i know there are those that will judge this decision. and that's OK. i am prepared. in fact, i have paaaaaaaaaaid for my sins.

here's the low-down:

ok, so i walk into [nameless] tanning salon...and this young girl behind the counter asks for my last name, thinking i am a regular customer. i almost laughed...because how could she mistake ME, pale-as-a-bale-of-cotton-laura, for a regular customer. anyyyyyyway. i quickly inform her that i have never been tanning before...and she says, "so...what do you want?"...and i am all like, "umm....to tan...." (seriously stating the obvious).

ok, so i pay for 10 sessions. HA. yes. i know what you are thinking. i have heard it all. she then asks if i have a lotion. CLEARLY she is delusional. i say no and then get pointed to the $40-50 case of lotions. i gracefully glide back to the front of the salon and ask for a sample. only $5. much more budget-friendly. ok, so i choose a dark tan accelerator. baaaaaaaaaaad idea. did i know this at the time? of course not.

she then asks if i want a basic bed or a hot bed...i ask for the difference and she explains that the hot beds have the newest bulbs. naturally, i want the newest. i am american.

so we head to room #2 and she shows me how to work my coffin of doom and says that the maximum time is 20 minutes.

i get down to my skivvies and on goes the lotion. i turn on the bed, squint my eyes from the glare, put on my little goggles that would protect no swimmer i know and lay down on some bulbs. i close the top and it is seriously close to my body/face. if i were claustrophobic, i would probably have died from anxiety.

so here i am. laying there, listening to the bulbs pop as they heat up, sweating, thinking, "is this going to singe my skin" & "my legs and back shouldn't be this warm, right?"

13 minutes later, i step out. i couldn't make it the whole 20. i think the voice of God bellowed down to room #2 and told me to get out.

ah-hem. no one told me you are only supposed to stay in 3-5 minutes MAX your very first time. information like this is not inherent, people. we all had to be potty trained, did we not? same principle. go with it.

i am red like whoa. all over. there are CLEAR tan...no wait, burn lines on my back/chest. my skin is severely angry with me at the moment. and i am trying to make it happy with aloe.

stupid is as stupid does.