i have been most un-productive the past few days. for someone whose to-do list currently holds only one significant task, this is oh-so-sad to the finest degree. i could blame it on the hot weather for creating this lethargy. it would be a lie.
i think in many ways i am learning to just be. to sit. to talk to God in ways i haven't ventured into for quite some time.
i can't stop thinking about hope.
i want to grasp this abstract/concrete idea.
i had one of the greatest conversations of my lifetime last night. my kindred spirit, amy, and i spent over an hour talking about all-things-Jesus and hope and God and glory and peace. it was the kind of conversation that leaves you feeling as though you just left a really amazing church service. you want to walk around the house and just say "amen" over and over. it left me with many things to meditate upon. and a very strong desire.
i want holy wisdom.
among other things, i would love for God to explain to me why hope is an anchor to my soul. and how.
and how i can hold onto this incredible anchor for all i'm worth.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
curious.
i went on a walk a little before 7 a.m. this morning with my pup. and i saw a most curious thing.
floating above my neighborhood was a tiny, green balloon.
i wish i knew the story behind its release.
some things are destined to stay a mystery.
floating above my neighborhood was a tiny, green balloon.
i wish i knew the story behind its release.
some things are destined to stay a mystery.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
lazy, hazy days.
today is one of those days where my deepest desire is to lay around and read. everything. i have been sucked into an updated version of pride and prejudice (needless to say the classic version is loads better). it makes me want to read all-things-great-literature.
i am also LOVING this cooler weather. a walk with charlie this morning at 6:45 was a pleasant way to start the day...it was even a bit chilly and we enjoyed the cool breeze compared to the blasts of humidity we have endured the past few days.
there's not much else to say, really. i want to go curl up and read some more but...i am off to edit the last few wedding photos waiting on my desktop.
maybe then i can meet Mr. Darcy.
i am also LOVING this cooler weather. a walk with charlie this morning at 6:45 was a pleasant way to start the day...it was even a bit chilly and we enjoyed the cool breeze compared to the blasts of humidity we have endured the past few days.
there's not much else to say, really. i want to go curl up and read some more but...i am off to edit the last few wedding photos waiting on my desktop.
maybe then i can meet Mr. Darcy.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
old things new again.
i used to have a livejournal...another version of the popular blog. mine chronicled my last few months in harrisonburg. i found it this morning while looking at old internet bookmarks. the following is one of my entries from almost exactly 2 years ago. it made me laugh outloud.
[dated august 10th, 2005]
i went tanning yesterday.
this is something i vowed i would never do. and i am normally not this vain. HOWEVER....i am in a wedding in a little over a month from now...and i would rather have a little tan than reflect the flash from the camera.
whatchagonnado.
now, i know there are those that will judge this decision. and that's OK. i am prepared. in fact, i have paaaaaaaaaaid for my sins.
here's the low-down:
ok, so i walk into [nameless] tanning salon...and this young girl behind the counter asks for my last name, thinking i am a regular customer. i almost laughed...because how could she mistake ME, pale-as-a-bale-of-cotton-laura, for a regular customer. anyyyyyyway. i quickly inform her that i have never been tanning before...and she says, "so...what do you want?"...and i am all like, "umm....to tan...." (seriously stating the obvious).
ok, so i pay for 10 sessions. HA. yes. i know what you are thinking. i have heard it all. she then asks if i have a lotion. CLEARLY she is delusional. i say no and then get pointed to the $40-50 case of lotions. i gracefully glide back to the front of the salon and ask for a sample. only $5. much more budget-friendly. ok, so i choose a dark tan accelerator. baaaaaaaaaaad idea. did i know this at the time? of course not.
she then asks if i want a basic bed or a hot bed...i ask for the difference and she explains that the hot beds have the newest bulbs. naturally, i want the newest. i am american.
so we head to room #2 and she shows me how to work my coffin of doom and says that the maximum time is 20 minutes.
i get down to my skivvies and on goes the lotion. i turn on the bed, squint my eyes from the glare, put on my little goggles that would protect no swimmer i know and lay down on some bulbs. i close the top and it is seriously close to my body/face. if i were claustrophobic, i would probably have died from anxiety.
so here i am. laying there, listening to the bulbs pop as they heat up, sweating, thinking, "is this going to singe my skin" & "my legs and back shouldn't be this warm, right?"
13 minutes later, i step out. i couldn't make it the whole 20. i think the voice of God bellowed down to room #2 and told me to get out.
ah-hem. no one told me you are only supposed to stay in 3-5 minutes MAX your very first time. information like this is not inherent, people. we all had to be potty trained, did we not? same principle. go with it.
i am red like whoa. all over. there are CLEAR tan...no wait, burn lines on my back/chest. my skin is severely angry with me at the moment. and i am trying to make it happy with aloe.
stupid is as stupid does.
[dated august 10th, 2005]
i went tanning yesterday.
this is something i vowed i would never do. and i am normally not this vain. HOWEVER....i am in a wedding in a little over a month from now...and i would rather have a little tan than reflect the flash from the camera.
whatchagonnado.
now, i know there are those that will judge this decision. and that's OK. i am prepared. in fact, i have paaaaaaaaaaid for my sins.
here's the low-down:
ok, so i walk into [nameless] tanning salon...and this young girl behind the counter asks for my last name, thinking i am a regular customer. i almost laughed...because how could she mistake ME, pale-as-a-bale-of-cotton-laura, for a regular customer. anyyyyyyway. i quickly inform her that i have never been tanning before...and she says, "so...what do you want?"...and i am all like, "umm....to tan...." (seriously stating the obvious).
ok, so i pay for 10 sessions. HA. yes. i know what you are thinking. i have heard it all. she then asks if i have a lotion. CLEARLY she is delusional. i say no and then get pointed to the $40-50 case of lotions. i gracefully glide back to the front of the salon and ask for a sample. only $5. much more budget-friendly. ok, so i choose a dark tan accelerator. baaaaaaaaaaad idea. did i know this at the time? of course not.
she then asks if i want a basic bed or a hot bed...i ask for the difference and she explains that the hot beds have the newest bulbs. naturally, i want the newest. i am american.
so we head to room #2 and she shows me how to work my coffin of doom and says that the maximum time is 20 minutes.
i get down to my skivvies and on goes the lotion. i turn on the bed, squint my eyes from the glare, put on my little goggles that would protect no swimmer i know and lay down on some bulbs. i close the top and it is seriously close to my body/face. if i were claustrophobic, i would probably have died from anxiety.
so here i am. laying there, listening to the bulbs pop as they heat up, sweating, thinking, "is this going to singe my skin" & "my legs and back shouldn't be this warm, right?"
13 minutes later, i step out. i couldn't make it the whole 20. i think the voice of God bellowed down to room #2 and told me to get out.
ah-hem. no one told me you are only supposed to stay in 3-5 minutes MAX your very first time. information like this is not inherent, people. we all had to be potty trained, did we not? same principle. go with it.
i am red like whoa. all over. there are CLEAR tan...no wait, burn lines on my back/chest. my skin is severely angry with me at the moment. and i am trying to make it happy with aloe.
stupid is as stupid does.
Monday, August 6, 2007
in the 'hood.
things my roommate (kim) and i love about our richmond neighborhood:
the two adorable kids down the street who wait for us to take our dogs on a walk in the morning...and once we are down the front steps and within earshot, we hear the familiar, "hi, charlie/tasha!" as they wait for us to approach for the routine dog-petting. charlie especially likes this attention. it might be going to his head. moving on...
the mysterious naked barbie that showed up in our backyard. i believe she is missing her arms.
or, for that matter, the strange pair of plastic-must-have-come-from-a-little-boy's-GI Joe-toy legs that have been in the street for the past few days...albeit a little shattered and run-over.
martha across the street. her garden. sammy, her dog (a sometimes charlie/tasha companion). a friendly presence who loves to talk. to us and to all dogs.
our fish pond in the front yard. home to willie, nelson and curvy (our koi). oh, and the lilypads.
our neighbors who enjoy a dip in their tiny pool from time to time. and the fact that he always opens the door for her.
the latino men down the street. and their music. and the corona bottle caps i find on my daily walks.
the house with the giant fish for a mailbox (hook included) and a sign on their porch that reads "beware of attack turtle."
the random pumkin patch in a neighboring yard. with a gigantic gourd. ready to carve...in august.
the eccentric motorcycle family down the street with flowers planted in an old toilet situated nicely in their backyard.
the fact that everyone is so unique, amiable and more than willing to stop for conversation on any given night.
welcome home.
the two adorable kids down the street who wait for us to take our dogs on a walk in the morning...and once we are down the front steps and within earshot, we hear the familiar, "hi, charlie/tasha!" as they wait for us to approach for the routine dog-petting. charlie especially likes this attention. it might be going to his head. moving on...
the mysterious naked barbie that showed up in our backyard. i believe she is missing her arms.
or, for that matter, the strange pair of plastic-must-have-come-from-a-little-boy's-GI Joe-toy legs that have been in the street for the past few days...albeit a little shattered and run-over.
martha across the street. her garden. sammy, her dog (a sometimes charlie/tasha companion). a friendly presence who loves to talk. to us and to all dogs.
our fish pond in the front yard. home to willie, nelson and curvy (our koi). oh, and the lilypads.
our neighbors who enjoy a dip in their tiny pool from time to time. and the fact that he always opens the door for her.
the latino men down the street. and their music. and the corona bottle caps i find on my daily walks.
the house with the giant fish for a mailbox (hook included) and a sign on their porch that reads "beware of attack turtle."
the random pumkin patch in a neighboring yard. with a gigantic gourd. ready to carve...in august.
the eccentric motorcycle family down the street with flowers planted in an old toilet situated nicely in their backyard.
the fact that everyone is so unique, amiable and more than willing to stop for conversation on any given night.
welcome home.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
slow dancing in a burning room.
i feel a return to "myself," as they say. i am beginning to feel better physically...and eating a wider array of foods. praise to the Good Lord.
i was even able to enjoy a fantastic evening, sitting on a hill by the Beach, listening to amazing music with some of my closest friends...looking up at the stars and letting the sounds of ben folds/john mayer take over for a few hours. i needed a moment of normalcy like that.
with this return to myself, i feel a very strong pull towards the Lord. during prayer & praise at my church last week, the pastor pointed out that we had been singing the lyrics "You draw near to me" in reference to how God responds/initiates to us.
good reminder. i need to remember that God is constantly drawing near to me regardless of my response to Him. in the midst of the past few months, i admit that i have stepped away from my "usual walk" with Him (it sounds so cliche - not my intention)...yes, i continued to pray...and i read the Word for some sort of encouragement/hope...but my efforts were grounded solely in my circumstances and not so much in who He is. i hope that makes sense. to me, it's a big difference.
yesterday evening, we had a particularly violent thunderstorm. it came on rather quickly, produced amazing amounts of rain, lightning and thunder. we stood by the doorways and watched until a very bright flash of light and crack of thunder resulted in the loss of power, causing us to retreat inside and Charlie to run around like a madman in the confusion.
being still light outside, it didn't faze us much (except for Charlie). when the sun began to set, i realized our lack of candles...and we set out to pillage a few more to create a nice, soft glow in the house. did i mention these candles smell like vanilla cupcakes? i seriously digress.
without AC or any of the other creature comforts we are so accustomed to, i decided to hang out on the couch and not move much to create as little heat as possible.
it was during this time on the couch that God began to give me a little parable/parallel of sorts.
during thunderstorms, we are so focused on the action of the clouds that we forget the purpose of this summer-time "disturbance." is it not the job of the thunderstorm to clean the air, so to speak? to water creation? even cause us to slow down, be cautious and submit to its authority (seek cover, drive slowly, etc.)?
i feel as though my days have been one gigantic thunderstorm over the past year. yes, i can see how this might come off as overly dramatic, but from march of '06 to now has been the most trying 400+ days of my 25 years. i do not lie.
now that things are slowing down a bit, i am starting to see the purpose in this tempest. i am reminded of matthew 8: 23-27. i love this passage.
i realize these ramblings are not unique thoughts or maybe even that deep or profound. all of that to say that i am learning to be perfectly content in this stillness now that the storms seem to be receding...i am resting in the promise that God is using this "quiet time" to prove who He is in my life.
He is God.
i was even able to enjoy a fantastic evening, sitting on a hill by the Beach, listening to amazing music with some of my closest friends...looking up at the stars and letting the sounds of ben folds/john mayer take over for a few hours. i needed a moment of normalcy like that.
with this return to myself, i feel a very strong pull towards the Lord. during prayer & praise at my church last week, the pastor pointed out that we had been singing the lyrics "You draw near to me" in reference to how God responds/initiates to us.
good reminder. i need to remember that God is constantly drawing near to me regardless of my response to Him. in the midst of the past few months, i admit that i have stepped away from my "usual walk" with Him (it sounds so cliche - not my intention)...yes, i continued to pray...and i read the Word for some sort of encouragement/hope...but my efforts were grounded solely in my circumstances and not so much in who He is. i hope that makes sense. to me, it's a big difference.
yesterday evening, we had a particularly violent thunderstorm. it came on rather quickly, produced amazing amounts of rain, lightning and thunder. we stood by the doorways and watched until a very bright flash of light and crack of thunder resulted in the loss of power, causing us to retreat inside and Charlie to run around like a madman in the confusion.
being still light outside, it didn't faze us much (except for Charlie). when the sun began to set, i realized our lack of candles...and we set out to pillage a few more to create a nice, soft glow in the house. did i mention these candles smell like vanilla cupcakes? i seriously digress.
without AC or any of the other creature comforts we are so accustomed to, i decided to hang out on the couch and not move much to create as little heat as possible.
it was during this time on the couch that God began to give me a little parable/parallel of sorts.
during thunderstorms, we are so focused on the action of the clouds that we forget the purpose of this summer-time "disturbance." is it not the job of the thunderstorm to clean the air, so to speak? to water creation? even cause us to slow down, be cautious and submit to its authority (seek cover, drive slowly, etc.)?
i feel as though my days have been one gigantic thunderstorm over the past year. yes, i can see how this might come off as overly dramatic, but from march of '06 to now has been the most trying 400+ days of my 25 years. i do not lie.
now that things are slowing down a bit, i am starting to see the purpose in this tempest. i am reminded of matthew 8: 23-27. i love this passage.
[Jesus, after a time of healing...] got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping, The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!"another good reminder: sometimes God creates many a storm to prove He is God...and i am not. to "clean my life"...to bring me out of the heat so that He can replenish my existence. and in that calmness? i am forced to listen - just like last night and the loss of power forcing me to just sit and be...and listen to the crickets outside...something i would have missed had the AC/fans/TV/music been rattling around inside.
He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid? Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.
The men were amazed and asked, "What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!"
i realize these ramblings are not unique thoughts or maybe even that deep or profound. all of that to say that i am learning to be perfectly content in this stillness now that the storms seem to be receding...i am resting in the promise that God is using this "quiet time" to prove who He is in my life.
He is God.
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