secret smiles.

being back home in williamsburg creates a whirlwind of emotions. right now? i am extremely thankful and joyful to be here...in this moment...

williamsburg, for all of its tourist-induced-glamor because of its rich history, really is timeless. outside of the streets of colonial williamsburg, there are certain things that never change. there is an amazing amount of comfort in that realization. comfort in consistency.

like the man who works at our local grocery store and has remained a faithful employee for as long as i can remember...always ready to give a smile or crack a joke...and ever-eager to serve.

or slipping back into old relationships...drinking coffee from the local cafe and walking around downtown late at night while completely absorbed in fantastic conversation, looking at old-fashioned christmas decorations and taking in the tiny street fires designed to keep us warm.

or my dad working his crossword puzzle on a sunday afternoon while watching old black and white movies.

or ridiculous humor and uncontrollable laughter in public places as best my mom, brother and i can manage. creating an entertaining scene is never a problem for us. i hope it never is...

or laying next to the christmas tree and remembering the significance of each ornament. second-grade art projects. sunday school gifts-for-mom.

i was afraid that the christmas season would pass me by again this year...but as i look over the past few weeks, and especially these past few days at home, i see that the christmas season can't possibly pass me by as long as i take a moment to stop and see the ways He is working in my life.

perhaps that's what the christmas season is about...being aware of everything around us. maybe to realize our blessings and be grateful for His presence. to think about everything that He means...and, coming to earth as a tiny babe, He really just wanted to love us....for us to love Him, to love others...and to give praise to Him for His birth...to thank Him for loving us enough to be with us. o come, immanuel...

my one last request this christmas season? to sing my favorite hymn tonight in church...

o holy night, the stars are brightly shining
it is the night of our dear Saviour's birth
long lay the world in sin and error pining
till He appeared and the soul felt its worth
a thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn
fall on your knees! oh hear the angel voices!
oh night divine! oh night when Christ was born!

whimsical = my new favorite word.

a couple of things i learned from this weekend:

1.) stuffing envelopes is infinitely better when done in the company of good friends...especially fellow staff workers who understand the necessity of said envelopes. and even better when topped off with egg nog milkshakes from cook out.

2.) the santa clause (movie) brings back great childhood memories. even if it does induce a certain amount of eye-rolling.

3.) mice have no shame. and they need to exit my household immediately. the eviction notice has been SERVED.

4.) i detest leaving a fine dining establishment and smelling like burned pancakes...especially if aforementioned dining establishment does not serve such breakfast fare.

5.) i can tolerate glitter. in small amounts.

6.) will ferrell is a comedic genius.

7.) i love hot tea before bed. especially when i am developing a tiny cough. cough.

8.) i miss my students. already.

9.) i am getting more and more excited about urbana. BRING. ON. THE. COLD. WEATHER.

10.) i am blessed beyond comprehension. He takes care of me in ways i can't even fathom. oh, come let us adore Him...

stars.

a few nights ago, i hit a moment. i knew i needed to do something. i needed to go somewhere. i felt anxious. and my head was clouded with thoughts. i needed fresh air. and in that moment, i missed my spot on the river back home.

i grabbed the keys and headed to my car...and i ended up driving around. all told, i put 70 miles on the camry. i listened to praise music and drove out to jordan lake. and i realized...what i really needed was a moment to feel how small i am...and how big He is.

i think that's why i love star-gazing so much. i feel tiny. everything is instantly put into perspective. i can step outside of myself and my own little worldview and realize just how Great our God is...and how He really does know what He's doing, even if i don't. i like that feeling.

so last night, i again jumped in the car (this time with a couple of friends) and drove out to a random little road in the middle of nowhere for the express purpose of watching a meteor shower. i had known about this upcoming celestial-feast-for-the-eyes for about a month...and i was honestly counting down the days until i could experience some of God's very own fireworks.

i saw a huge streak across the sky before we left...so i knew that once we got beyond the city lights, it would be grand.

we parked. got out of the car. laid down, faces heavenward...and waited.

and waited.

and then...they came. tiny ones....and huge streaks...and flashes of green light.

but they were there. and it made my soul ever-so-content.

and i think that's a pretty perfect picture of how God is operating in my life these days. i sit...looking to Him...and wait for the goodness to come...in any form or fashion...when i least expect it. and in the meantime, i get a pretty amazing display of His majesty.

praise God from Whom all blessings flow...

still dancing.

i have a small painting hanging in my apartment. it's a small flower with the words: "i get up. i walk. i fall down. meanwhile, i keep dancing."

i see this painting everyday. it has been hanging in my various places of residence over the past few years. it has only been within the past few weeks that this simple statement has had any meaning in my life.

i spoke with my good friend katie s. the other night. besides the fact that i adore her and our candid conversations, she gave me a profound thought i have spent some time working through and through...

"i am still tripping and stumbling through life and that's OK."

being a visual person (the whole art-major-thing should speak to this...), i quite enjoy any image i can glean from conversations. and i immediately saw myself walking down a sidewalk, tripping, falling forward, catching myself and then laughing my head off as i continued on my journey.

it feels good to laugh at myself. it feels good to give myself some grace every once in a while.

why can't i?

seriously...what is it that makes us so hard on ourselves? why can't we take a few stumbles in stride, realize it's a part of life, laugh and enjoy the walk?

"i need Your grace to remind me to find my own." - snow patrol

i am close to entering into my 25th year of life. why the pressure to have it all together? it's self-induced, that's for sure. that's part of the journey, right? navigating this crazy path full of moments designed to trip us up...reasons to duck for cover...forks in the road...slippery, unsteady steps...

i am learning to delight in the things i don't know. in the things that force me to slow down. in the things that throw me a little off course.

whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'this is the way; walk in it...' - isaiah 30:21

something tells me that walk wasn't without a few moments of humility...

i want to be fully used by Him.

that means tripping, falling down, rolling over, looking up at the sky, laughing at myself and saying, "ok, God...i get it...do with me what You will...even if that means looking like a fool from time to time..."