flames.

so i have had quite a few people ask about my fund development endeavors. my response? "it's a refiner's fire. and i am grateful because i wouldn't rely on the Lord like i do without this challenge." and that's the truth.

i have had some successful appointments & phone calls. and it is becoming easier to share my passion. sure, there are still those moments when i stare at the phone and make up an excuse as to why i am NOT calling Mr. X...but those ridiculous times are fewer and far between.

as each day passes, i become more and more excited about next year. i had a friend ask me recently if i feel excited or if i am holding off on the excitement until i know my funding will come in.

good question. and three months ago, i would have answered that i was holding off on the excitement. but i have come to realize that doing so is really just great mistrust in the Lord. and i choose to trust. i think He WANTS me to be excited so that His provision and blessing is that much sweeter. i can't ask the "what if the money doesn't come in?" because that means i am relying on myself and my own doing...and not Him.

and i can't do that. i don't want any part of that. i choose Him. i choose faith that moves mountains. or money.

and when it comes down to it, none of this is about percentages or budgets or how much money i will get per month. it comes down to my relationship with my Jesus. and that is more valuable than any figure interVarsity could give me.

my new favorite verse? romans 11:29...for God's gifts and his call are irrevocable.

that is the truth that i choose to walk in as i continue this challenge.

and what makes this journey even sweeter is the incredible relationships that have formed because of this calling. walking side-by-side with the other interns who are dealing with the same emotions/spiritual challenges makes me smile at how GOOD God is...and how much He wants to take care of us. by any means.

i take all of this in.
i see the purpose in it.
i revel in His goodness.
and i praise Him for His faithfulness.