flames.

so i have had quite a few people ask about my fund development endeavors. my response? "it's a refiner's fire. and i am grateful because i wouldn't rely on the Lord like i do without this challenge." and that's the truth.

i have had some successful appointments & phone calls. and it is becoming easier to share my passion. sure, there are still those moments when i stare at the phone and make up an excuse as to why i am NOT calling Mr. X...but those ridiculous times are fewer and far between.

as each day passes, i become more and more excited about next year. i had a friend ask me recently if i feel excited or if i am holding off on the excitement until i know my funding will come in.

good question. and three months ago, i would have answered that i was holding off on the excitement. but i have come to realize that doing so is really just great mistrust in the Lord. and i choose to trust. i think He WANTS me to be excited so that His provision and blessing is that much sweeter. i can't ask the "what if the money doesn't come in?" because that means i am relying on myself and my own doing...and not Him.

and i can't do that. i don't want any part of that. i choose Him. i choose faith that moves mountains. or money.

and when it comes down to it, none of this is about percentages or budgets or how much money i will get per month. it comes down to my relationship with my Jesus. and that is more valuable than any figure interVarsity could give me.

my new favorite verse? romans 11:29...for God's gifts and his call are irrevocable.

that is the truth that i choose to walk in as i continue this challenge.

and what makes this journey even sweeter is the incredible relationships that have formed because of this calling. walking side-by-side with the other interns who are dealing with the same emotions/spiritual challenges makes me smile at how GOOD God is...and how much He wants to take care of us. by any means.

i take all of this in.
i see the purpose in it.
i revel in His goodness.
and i praise Him for His faithfulness.

wide awake.

it's 12:55 in the morning. watching pride & prejudice and thinking about what needs to get done tomorrow.

in all of my phone calls to potential donors, i am discovering that some of my letters never made it to their final destination....say whaaaaaaat? this is a somewhat scary thought...which inevitably causes the "how many other mailboxes stayed hungry for my letter of love?!" panic attack...and then i am reminded...

He is in control. i am not.

He knows exactly what He is doing. i don't.

He is perfect. i am far from that adjective.

and i calm down...return to my strange love affair with elizabeth bennet and mr. darcy. and all is well with the world.

i had an appointment earlier today...and it went really well...even before i knocked on their front door.

a little story of God's faithfulness and my stupidity (all wrapped up in one fabulous tale!):

i was on my way to the appointment and i was running a little late, so i decided to pass some slow-pokes in front of the LA MBL. except that i decided to do this in a no-passing zone...and didn't realize that one of the cars coming towards me just so happened to be a state tropper.

faaaaaaaaaaaabulous.

of course he stops in the middle of the road, turns around, races up behind me and pulls this now-freaking-out laura over. great.

weirdest reaction ever? i start laughing...hysterically...and i believe i started singing tracy chapman's "fast car" in my head. anyway. by the time Officer Speedtrap gets to my window, i am cheesing like a 4-year-old with no teeth smiling for her preschool photo. and the officer? he is laughing, too. i am already armed with my license and registration...which he takes...asks where i am going so fast...and then i think, "do i tell him i am on my way to ask for financial support for God's ministry...or no." i opt for, "i was on my way to a meeting...and i am late...no excuse, i know." he looks around. hands me my license again. and says, "this is your lucky day, kid. slow down." and WALKS AWAY.

whaaaaaaaaat?! i was going 34 miles over the speed limit when he caught me...granted, i was passing people...but COME ON. i could have easily landed in court over that stupid mistake...and yet God is GOOD and lets me drive away with my record unscathed.

it was a christmas miracle. in july.

i laughed the entire way to the appointment...praying...laughing some more.

i learned my lesson.

God's timing is infinitely better than mine. even on the road.

aaaaaamen.