prophetic.

his foot couldn't stop shaking while he listened. i could tell he was uncomfortable and a little nervous to be in that small church. everyone around him was speaking loud praises to God...singing Scripture...waving their hands...kneeling down on the wooden floor. i couldn't hold back, though. i stood and raised my hands, closed my eyes and sang with everything in me.

i lost touch with the world for a few minutes and snapped back once i realized the pastor now had a hold on him. his arms around his shoulders, speaking into his ear. i sat down. i could only hear a few phrases every now and again over the music and prayers. i wanted to listen but i knew it wasn't my moment.

i smiled.

i had been praying for a broken shell. a penetration of the Holy Spirit. a refreshing touch from above. i wanted him to experience God like i do. better than i do. i wanted him to feel the Presence. i prayed that God would be BIG tonight.

He delivered. and rocked him to the core. maybe that's why his foot couldn't stop shaking.

it was perfect. because it was His word. it was His direction.

i walked away with a few seeds of my own...bits of divine knowledge i will subsequently journal through and through. and she walked away with a greater understanding of thankfulness and what that means for the day-to-day.

He never ceases to amaze me. He never ceases to remind me of His power and presence.

tonight was a good night. hallelujah.

back to the basics...

it's been an interesting couple of weeks. things slowed down in the everyday sense of the word...and with that extra time on my hands, i began to panic somewhat.

i finally realized that i needed to step away from all things fund development for a few days and just pray/spend time in the Word. and i did. and it was intense.

but it wasn't enough, sad to say...because i was still dwelling on FD and money and logistics and phone calls and everything. bah.

i knew i needed prayer and encouragement...so it was off to richmond to meet with my pastor. and that's exactly what i got. testimony after testimony of God's faithfulness and provision. and prayer...lots of honest, affirming, confident prayer.

it's august 22...and i would love to say that i am moving to chapel hill in the next few weeks, but alas...God has other plans.

i am at 36% of my budget...and the only thing that can make that happen would be miracles from the Lord.

and you know what? i truly believe that miracles will happen soon. i know He will provide. i don't question it anymore. i choose to declare that He will take care of my needs.

100% is no big deal for Him. so now i am learning to abide in Him...trying to figure out exactly what that means...and how i can trust Him for all of it.

God will provide....and again i will say, God will provide.

learning to see...

so. things are finally slowing down a bit. i am home...and i plan on staying that way for a few weeks. PRAISE THE LORD. i like the idea of sleeping in my own bed for more than 3-4 days at a time. anyway.

this past weekend i spent some time in tennessee for my family reunion. it happens every 2 years...and i haven't been in a while because of summer school (yay for trying to finish grad school as soon as possible) so it was good to go and see everyone. i ended up giving a presentation to my family, seeking prayerful and financial support for next year.

not a single response.

and you know? it was OK. it was MORE than OK because God immediately showed me the blessings that spawned out of that experience, such as being able to share my testimony with my family, some time with my aunt during which a few tears fell and the opportunity to walk down to the water's edge and release it all.

as hard as it was at the time to walk away with no support, i am beginning to see the greater purposes in these negative responses. i know God has so much more than He needs to work through with me. i am ready.

i took a few days off from fund development last week...and i spent that time painting, working in my art book and journaling...it was hard to walk away...but ultimately extremely good for my soul. i needed to retreat and allow myself to worship the Lord through my art. so i have started a series of paintings...and they all include trees...i am still trying to figure out why and what that means biblically for me...we shall see.

this week is pretty low-key for me. i intend to spend some major time in prayer...for so many things.

what i want to study: faith like a mustard seed.

what i am thankful for: the fact that God doesn't give up on me...amazing friends who walk beside me and support me...my mom's jokes that make me smile...conversations that are tough, but refining...new praise music that brings joy to my heart...

current favorite verse: yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. for the Lord is a God of justice. blessed are all who wait for him! - isaiah 30:18

step by step...